When my daughter was born, I couldn’t imagine loving another human the way I loved her. When I was pregnant a second time, I worried that I would have another girl and about the big shoes that she would have to fill. My mind couldn’t comprehend the idea of sharing my heart with another tiny human because my daughter had taken up all the space. Now that my son is here, I see just how possible it is and found myself feeling guilty. I wasn’t sure how to balance the way I love them individually. Then I realized I didn’t have to balance it. Here’s why.
If you or someone you know has multiple children, you’ll want to read and share this one!
When my daughter was born, labor and delivery was challenging of course, but I was out of the hospital in two days and recovered right on schedule. It was just her and I for a while, but she made it so easy to be a single parent. She was loving, independent, smart, and calm. She listened. Now that she is older, her heart just shines the light of Jesus. She does well in school. She is polite and funny, and playful. But she also drives me a little crazy…on a regular basis.
Labor and delivery with my son was nothing short of a nightmare. Emergency c-section, 5 days in the hospital, and a long and painful recovery. He is extremely attached (I’m pretty sure the umbilical cord is still there most days). As an infant, he never let me put him down. Now, there’s no stopping this kid. He MUST say hi to everyone he sees. He MUST tell the pizza delivery man that he loves him every time he leaves. Quiet is not a word that he is familiar with, at all; he talks, sings, and screams on a loop.
When you think of your children, think of God’s love for you and the millions of other people on this earth. I’m not saying He loves someone more or less than the other, but He loves us uniquely, because not one of us is the same. He has a plan and a perfect timing for that plan. We all will shine in our own time and each have a different bond with our Heavenly Father.
So when it comes to our children, there will be days when you bond with one more than the others. There will be days when one makes you more upset than the others. And we are human; our capacity to love our children is nowhere near that of God’s. You are not a bad parent for liking one of your kid’s more than the other on certain days, hours, or minutes.
So you might be wondering who is my favorite kid? Well, when my son wants to snuggle (which is so rare), it’s him. When I get quality play time with my daughter, it’s her. When my son screams his head off for every single thing that day, it’s my daughter. When my daughter has a bad case of “talking back,” it’s my son. My favorite child can vary from moment to moment, because that’s real life.
Regardless of the moment to moment favorite, I love my children unconditionally. I love them uniquely. My heart isn’t spilt, it just got a whole lot bigger. Mama, don’t beat yourself up about not liking your kid in those moments when you want to pull your hair out. It’s okay to need a break from them, to regroup and remember what a blessing they are. In those moments, pray for the grace that God shows you everyday as His child.
Don’t feel guilty about how you love your children, or stress yourself out with evenly distributing the love. Your children will need different types of love and attention at different times in their lives. You are only one (FABULOUS) human and your job is super tough. And if you’re sitting here reading a blog about parenting, I’m going to assume you love the crap out of your kids and are trying your best. They will see and feel that! So focus of them, and not the negative comments of others.
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