I don’t know what it feels like to lose a baby, and I definitely couldn’t imagine losing 6. It’s hard to put in words how incredibly strong someone must be to go through such loss and still remain hopeful. Two years ago, I interviewed an amazing woman who had just recently gone through one of the most challenging experiences of her life. This is Megan Handler’s story.
(If you or someone you know is dealing with infertility, please read and share this post).
When the Storm Began
I had to reread my first interview with Megan a few times before writing this. I had to fully take in everything she had lived through in order to truly appreciate what God has done in this woman’s life. Throughout Megan’s journey, she struggled with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, infertility, miscarriages, and ultimately, giving birth to quadruplets whom lived no more than an hour outside of her womb. How could anyone see God’s goodness in such tragedy? How could a woman maintain her faith in such tribulation? I just had to ask. “There were times when I wanted to blame Him…but He gave them to me in the first place,” said Megan in 2016. (READ MORE about my first interview with Megan here: https://sheismetoo.org/2018/05/12/she-is-me-too-megan-handler/ )
A Rainbow: The Power of Science and Faith
Megan knew that one day she would have a child, even if that meant by adoption. She just didn’t know when. The wait was the truest test of time and faith. Even after losing the quadruplets, Megan and her husband, George, were hopeful for their family and decided to continue trying to have a baby. But their trials weren’t over. Megan became pregnant without the assist of medicine, but soon found out that this, again, would end in heartbreak. “We were crushed,” she said. Can you imagine how discouraging this must’ve been for her?
Megan and George decided to give themselves some time, to travel and just enjoy their relationship. When they were ready to try again, Megan noticed some irregularities and decided to see her fertility doctor again. After trying a few options, they decided to move forward with IVF. In Megan’s first interview, she talked about feeling a healing over her body. Although this healing didn’t look exactly how she expected it to (natural conception), God healed her in a different way. Megan was able to freeze 20 embryos. Something she never would have imagined to be possible.
Megan’s first embryo transfer was successful but ended in a miscarriage after 5 weeks. She began to lose hope; “I honestly thought this was never going to work.” NEVERTHELESS, SHE PERSISTED. This incredible couple knew they were called to be parents. They held onto God’s promise for them, and they tried again. This time they decided to keep it private. As strong as she is, still Megan knew she couldn’t bear the weight of her own pain and the pain that others felt for her.
On March 27, 2017 (which happens to be Megan’s birthday), they went forward with another embryo transfer. And finally, the rain stopped, the clouds parted, and the sun began to shine. God’s promise painted across the sky…a rainbow.
And her name is Hadley.
Megan said, “This pregnancy felt different,” but she was still afraid of what could happen. Her and her husband decided to wait a while before sharing the news with family and friends. Once she arrived at the 12 week mark, they felt comfortable sharing the news with everyone. Not only was she pregnant with a healthy baby, but they were having a girl! The quadruplets were all boys, and although she would’ve been happy to have a little boy this time, she said, “I think God knew what He was doing when he gave me a little girl.”
Looking Back and Moving Ahead
Knowing what she knows now, Megan says she would’ve told herself to be more patient with the process. More trusting in God’s plan and “to understand that there is ALWAYS a plan, always. I just have to trust His plan.”
One day, Megan hopes to share her story with her little girl. She wants Hadley to know about her siblings in Heaven. Personally, I know that Hadley will learn a lot about faith and strength through her parents’ example. Megan said, “I think it is important for her to know that mommy and daddy wanted children so badly and even though we suffered great losses, we knew that she was in the future for us. So we kept going and we are blessed to have her.” She wants Hadley to have the faith to trust in Christ, in good times and bad.
Through these trials, Megan found herself at the feet of Jesus. Worshipping. Crying. Praying. And He answered. He healed her broke heart. Gave her peace in the storm. Restored her. And fulfilled His promise for her life. She said, “[Hadley] will never know what she’s done for me and it’s all because of Him. All of it.”
Although this story is not hers alone, because George loved and lost deeply, I must emphasize the courage and strength of this woman, that could only come from the Lord. Strength to praise God through such a massive storm. To carry, lose, and give life. To remember…who God is, the desires He has placed in her heart, and His promise for her life. Megan had to let go of her own plans and dreams, and fully embrace God’s plan. Saying, “But if not, He is still good” (Daniel 3:18). And what an incredible peace that declaration and belief brings!
I understand that not everyone gets a rainbow baby. But there will always be a rainbow after your storm. God will never leave you or forsake you. He has a plan for your life, even if it looks different than what you expected. I want to encourage anyone who is going through infertility, struggling with the loss of a child, or any similar situation…you are not alone. Seek out the support you need, but most importantly, look to God. Look to His word and promise for you. Megan was able to find comfort in this verse and I challenge anyone reading this to look in the mirror and say to yourself, “The pain that [I’ve] been feeling can’t compare to the joy that is coming” (Romans 8:18). In Jesus’s name. Amen.
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